Battle 0: Rehiring the stars - 14th March 2009
Location - Lobby at Audition House
Player - Dave [No record]

Right then, I know my lines, I-- Narrator? Wow, haven't seen you for some time. Never did learn your real name.
NARRATOR is REALLLY CALLED NARRATOR!
NARRATOR thinks SVWEBMASTER was TOO LAZY to come up with CHARACTER NAMES!
It would FIT with the whole TALENTLESS WRITING we had to PUT UP with!
...You mean you really talk like that?
NARRATOR has NARRATORITIS!
NARRATOR'S PARENTS were just as TALENTLESS at NAMING as SVWEBMASTER!
Ah, right... What are you auditioning for, anyway?
CAPTIONS for some WEBCOMIC! DAVE?
Lead role in a webcomic... Hey, we might be working together again.
NARRATOR would LIKE THAT!
Hi guys.
Gaaah!
SVWEBMASTER appeared!
Come on, you know my senses kinda die when you're around; you're meant to say that before someone speaks.
NARRATOR is RUSTY!
NARRATOR used APPOLOGISE!
Its super effective!
So, what are you auditioning for, anyway?
Nothing, I'm here to collect my sla-- employees.
...Uhh... We haven't been working for you for years.
Only because I haven't been choosing to exercise my rights per your contracts, but I need an army to take over the pokerbattles network, and... You still work for me. That whole 'indefinite' clause in both your contracts.
...
...
...You are both shocked into silence by my contractual genius, I see!
...Did you say Pokerbattles?
As in DEUCE wants to FIGHT!?
Dude, I think your spelling has actually gotten worse since last time.
...
...Anyway, I'm calling in your--
SVWEBMASTER is LIVING in the PAST!
Yeah, pokebattles has gone the way of the dodo. It's over.
SVWEBMASTER is also DELUDING itself if it THINKS DAVE or NARRATOR would work under its CONDITIONS AGAIN!
...Aww, man, you wouldn't really make me bring out clause 757531423452 subclause b, subsubclause delta, would you? Because, I really don't want to sell you two to prostitute rings, but, if you're going to--
...SVWEBMASTER used FINE PRINT!
Its super effective :(
...So. You want to employ us to be in your army to take over a fictional dimension that no longer exists... And if we don't agree you're going to sell us?
Pretty much...
SVWEBMASTER... ACKNOWLEDGES that POKEBATTLES is NO LONGER in the REALM of the LIVING!
Well, yeah, you'd have to be pretty much brain dead not to know that...
How the hell do you expect to take it over, then?
By helping revive it, duh.
...Uhh...
DAVE is confused!
DAVE hurt itself in its confusion!
Ow!
It's simple. There's a movement to revive pokebattles, I'm in on that movement. However, when pokebattles is revived, battles will need to be written for various versions, which is the main reason I want you two clowns in my army anyway, because, let's face it, you'd be useless in an actual fight--
And SVWEBMASTER wouldn't?
...Shut it, shouty...
:(
...Wait... The SVWebmaster I knew may have been a talentless prick who had no feelings or respect for his employees, but he would never actually insult Narrator like that.
Times change, buddyo. Now, anyway... The role you two will have is to reform Sandy Version by staring in battles for it, while I help revive other parts of the pokebattles universe. Then, while I do what I used to do, and get a finger in every version looking for a co-webmaster, we use my troops across dozens of versions to take over the pokebattles universe. I will be a God amongst men!
...We don't get a choice in this, do we?
...Depends on how much you two like having tight assholes, really...
...OK, so when do I start?
SHOUTY is--
NARRATOR means NARRATOR is IN!

Location - Elsewhere

A shadowy figure in a long, flowing, cloak of sand walks into a bedroom. He sits on the bed, before gently tickling the feet of the naked, gagged, heavily bound man lying there, struggling desperately against his bonds to get free. The bound man squirms, trying to get his feet away. The cloaked figure just chuckles at the attempt, and continues the tickling. "You know, that was surprisingly easy. Still, Dave is smarter than you thought he was... I think he's actually onto me not being you... Ah well, what can that moron do to stop me? And, I mean, it's not as if you writing for half the versions on the network would even be suspicious behaviour to any PB author who was around back when... I think I'm going to enjoy using your identity to get a universe of my own, especially since I get to ruin your life in the process..." The bound man screams into his gag, as the shadowy figure gives a last tickle to his feet and walks out of the room, shutting the door behind him.

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