Battle 1: A Stitch In Time - 21st March 2009
Location - Dave's House
Player - Dave [0-0-0]

DAVE used REST!
It's super effective!
...Zzz...
...Oh gods... NARRATOR FORGOT how HEAVY a SLEEPER DAVE was!
NARRATOR used POKEFLUTE!
DAVE woke up!
...Oh. Is it our first day on the job already?
DAVE used QUESTION!
NARRATOR used ANSWER!
ANSWER was in the POSITIVE!
...You really are rusty at this, aren't you? I mean, your role is m--
DAVE would be WISE to SHUT IT before NARRATOR decides that DAVE'S BED wants to FIGHT and is already using an EAT attack!
Meep o_o
OK, I'm getting up then.
DAVE used GET UP!
DAVE shows off his NAKED BODY to the READERS!
...
BOTH READERS used SIGH OF RELIEF!
READERS are RELIEVED this is a TEXT SITE!
NARRATOR is less FORTUNATE!
...Haven't we used that joke in one of our previous incarnations?
...Probably!
Right, ok, getting dressed now!
DAVE used DRESS!
...Are you really that cheap?
DAVE put on its JEANS and T-SHIRT!
...Apparently not, good.
Wild WARDROBE feels ROBBED!
Wild WARDROBE wants to fight!
...Wait? Wild? I own it.
Wild WARDROBE was at a KILLER RAVE last night!
Wild WARDROBE sent out WARDROBE!
DAVE sent out DAVE!
Kick!
WARDROBE used DOOR SLAM!
DAVE used KICK!
DAVE SLAMMED into the DOOR with its FOOT!
DAVE'S TOE used STUB!
DAVE'S TOE gave WARDROBE a bit of the DAMAGE BACK!
...You're using that as your first pun?
Would DAVE rather NARRATOR went for UPROOTING DAVE'S FOOT?
...Objection withdrawn.
DAVE used WITHDRAW!
DAVE'S defence rose!
WARDROBE used COTTON SHOT!
It's not nearly as effective as STRING SHOT!
DAVE'S speed INFINITESSIBLY fell!
...It... It... Destroyed my favourite shirt to do that...
DAVE used RAGE!
WARDROBE used TANGLE!
DAVE is TANGLED in its OWN RAGE!
DAVE is INCAPABLE of anything but FURY!
DAVE'S attack rose!
You. Will. Pay. For. That. Shirt.
WARDROBE used EAT!
WARDROBE wrapped DAVE in its TROUSERY TONGUE and PULLED him into its DRAWY LIPS before CLOSING them with DAVE INSIDE!
DAVE'S attack continued!
DAVE hammered on the WARDROBE with its FISTS!
WARDROBE fainted!
WARDROBE fell over, door side down!
...Uhh...
DAVE'S RAGE subsided!
DAVE wins the BATTLE!
DAVE is, however, stuck INSIDE its own WARDROBE!
Breakout?
DAVE used BREAKOUT!
DAVE started PLAYING BREAKOUT!
NARRATOR is not SURE why DAVE keeps an ATARI 2600 and TV in its WARDROBE!
...
...
...Uhh... THIS could take AWHILE!
NARRATOR used FAST FORWARD!

Location - Sometime in the future

NARRATOR used PLAY!
SANDY VERSION is in ruins!
NARRATOR appeared!
NARRATOR is on the RUN!
NARRATOR thinks NARRATOR went too far!
NARRATOR doesn't think NARRATOR has gone far enough!
NARRATOR was referring to NARRATOR, not to NARRATOR!
NARRATOR was too!
NARRATOR isn't sure which NARRATOR is which!
NARRATOR is confused!
NARRATOR hurt itself in its confusion!
NARRATOR wonders why that HURTS so much!
NARRATOR also wishes this SORT of SHIT was EASIER to NARRATE!
NARRATOR agrees!
DAVE appeared!
NARRATOR used EEEP!
NARRATOR is RUNNING from DAVE?
NARRATOR is TERRIFIED of DAVE!
DAVE is DAVE!
NARRATOR wonders why NARRATOR is SCARED of DAVE!
NARRATOR doesn't INTEND to HANG AROUND to SHOW NARRATOR!
NARRATOR ran away!
DAVE used LOOK!
DAVE looked at NARRATOR!
DAVE'S EYES are GLOWING with pure NETWORK ENERGIES!
...Doom!
...Wait... DAVE is a DOOMPUFF RIPOFF?
NARRATOR really wants to know WHAT THE HELL something as CLICHÉD as a DOOMPUFF RIPOFF is DOING existing in third INCARNATION of POKEBATTLES!
SVWEBMASTER appeared!
...I see my pet hasn't gotten around to-- Wait... You smell differ-- Oh... You're not from the now I smell... A curious development, it might throw a spanner in the works weather I kill you now or let you return to your time.... I hate this sort of thing, you know? Is it more damaging to this lovely timeline for someone to go back who knows about it, or for that person to never return to the past despite being instrumental in the history of this timeline?
NARRATOR does not know!
NARRATOR does not want to know!
NARRATOR wants to know why SVWEBMASTER has gone down the CLICHÉD PATH of a DOOMPUFF RIPOFF!
...Oh, nothing so clichéd. Well. Not quite as clichéd, anyway. Turns out players aren't able to mentally withstand unprotected exposure the pure network energies between versions... Lucky for me, actually; he was actually close to rescuing-- Wait. No. Better not risk saying about that, you haven't necessarily found out about that yet... Anyway, he's not actually a doompuff ripoff, he's... Just gone cookoo enough to think he is one, while also controllable enough for me to keep him as a pet and strong enough to tear you to shreds. Now... Come on Davipoo, leave the historic version of Mr Shouty alone and come to SVWebmaster; SVWebmaster wuvs you, yes he does, yes he does <3
SVWEBMASTER used VAGUE FUTURE PLOT EXPOSITION!
...Its super boring, rather than the super intriguing which NARRATOR imagines was the INTENT!
...To say NOTHING of the CREEPINESS of that LAST PART which NARRATOR refuses to NARRATE on PRINCIPLE!
...Anyway, run along to your own time before I change my mind about whether letting you live or not would be more of a hiccup in my timeline. Because if you keep that style of Narration up, I assure you, I will. Very quickly.
NARRATOR used REWIND!

Location - Thirty minutes after Dave started to play Breakout

DAVE won the game!
DAVE broke out of WARDROBE!
DAVE... Could use a new WARDROBE!
Wow, the viewers really sat through thirty minutes of me playing a port of an arcade game from the 70s?
...Uhh... SOMETHING like that...
DAVE went SHOPPING!
DAVE ran away!
NARRATOR isn't QUITE SURE how to break it to DAVE that it'll BECOME a WALKING CLICHÉ!
NARRATOR also isn't QUITE SURE what FUTURE SVWEBMASTER was WITTERING ABOUT with the NEARLY RESCUED stuff!
NARRATOR needs a LIE DOWN!

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