Sandy Version Pokebattles.
Where sanity performed an illegal operation and will be shut down
Battle 4: Mascot Hunt - 11th April 2009
Location - Narrator's House
NARRATOR has been THINKING!
NARRATOR has been INFLUENCED by LAST WEEK's BATTLE staring JAMES!
NARRATOR has DECIDED that SANDY's MASCOT CHARACTER needs more EXPOSURE!
Location - Heavy Chunk of Metal's Pokeball
Player - Heavy Chunk of Metal [No Record]
...
NARRATOR is giving HECHOFME a STARING ROLL in this week's SANDY BATTLE!
...
...
...
...NARRATOR apparently FORGOT that HECHOFME does not SAY anything!
...
NARRATOR decides SANDY VERSION needs a more NARRATOR friendly MASCOT CHARACTER!
:(
HECHOFME used SAD PUPPY DOG EYES!
HECHOFME is a HEAVY CHUNK OF METAL!
HECHOFME appears to be PRIMARILY COMPRISED of CRUSHED CARS!
It's not very effective!
...
Location - Mascot Store
Player - Clerk [No Record]
Ah, Narrator. I wondered when you'd get here.
...CLERK did?
Well, yes, when a version and the webmaster of that version is leaving things to the Narrator while he goes write fanbattles for the main version, and the closest thing to a Mascot is a Heavy Chunk of Metal, it is somewhat inevitable that my services are going to be required at somepoint.
NARRATOR wonders what CLERK has!
Well, perhaps you would be interested in Farbunny?
FARBUNNY?
Farbunny, come out here.
FARBUNNY appeared!
FARBUNNY sits there!
FARBUNNY used FART!
It's super smelly!
...NARRATOR wonders what FARBUNNY does!
...That.
...What?
...Sit there and fart.
...NARRATOR will PASS!
FARBUNNY FARTS in PROTEST!
FARBUNNY disappeared!
OK, a more active mascot is what you desire?
NARRATOR does!
Hmm... We should have a couple of homicidal bunny rabbits...
NARRATOR would RATHER not PARODY WEBCOMICS!
...Oh... Right... Hmm...
How about a sapient c64?
...Uhh... NARRATOR just had a BAD EXPERIENCE with a SAPIENT INANIMATE OBJECT!
...This one talks...
...NARRATOR might be INTERESTED!
SAP64 appeared!
SAP64 used LOAD!
SAP64 is LOADING PERSONALITY from TAPE!
...
...
...
...
...
...
NARRATOR wonders how LONG this will TAKE!
...Typically a couple of hours, but, hey, it's cheap...
NARRATOR will PASS thanks!
SAP64 disappeared!
...Afraid that's all we have in right now.
NARRATOR wonders if CLERK has any RECOMMENDATIONS!
...Well there's the San-- Uhh... Come back in a couple of weeks, we should be getting a shipment in.
Thanks ANYWAY!
Sorry I couldn't help you out more.
Location - Narrator's House
NARRATOR booted up the PC!
NARRATOR used GOOGLE SAND!
NARRATOR used TYPE!
NARRATOR typed SAN!
NARRATOR notes that there are 24753 SANDY VERSION LOCATIONS starting with SAN!
...Some of which NARRATOR has NO IDEA where they ARE!
Seriously, SAND FORREST X, Y and Z?
NARRATOR wonders what the HECK a SAND FORREST is!
NARRATOR used THINK!
NARRATOR THINKS searching SANDY VERSION for somewhere beginning with SAN is a bit of a LOST CAUSE!
NARRATOR used WONDER!
NARRATOR WONDERS what sort of MASCOT would be APPROPRIATE for SANDY VERSION!
!!!
NARRATOR realises SANDY VERSION has a lot more REAL POKEMON than it USED TO!
NARRATOR thinks that perhaps ONE of them might be a SANDSLASH or SANDSHREW!
...
NARRATOR remembers a SANDSLASH used in a PUN on a HECHOFME attack!
NARRATOR used SEARCH!
NARRATOR SEARCHES for that SANDSLASH!
Location - Sandy Sandslash Sands
Player - Sandslash [No Record]
...NARRATOR thinks whoever came up with the NAMES of SANDY VERSION LOCATIONS is an IDIOT!
...NARRATOR remembers that SVWEBMASTER named the LOCATIONS in SANDY VERSION!
...NARRATOR realises it has JUST stated the OBVIOUS!
Sandslash?
...Oh GREAT NARRATOR in the SKY!
Sand Sandslash Sand!
NARRATOR decides SANDSLASH will not WORK as a MASCOT!
...Or ever be the PLAYER again, hopefully!
Sandslassssssh :(
Location - Sandy Path
NARRATOR sighs!
NARRATOR will NEVER find a MASCOT for SANDY VERSION that isn't a HEAVY CHUNK of METAL or OTHERWISE INCAPABLE of COMMUNICATING!
NARRATOR may as well GI--
SHAWN appeared!
Player - Shawn [No Record]
...Oh. Dang. Managed to avoid being a player in this version until now. Ah well, suppose I'm going to have to fight my books, guess it was inevitable that being in a pokebattles version it would happen eventually...
NARRATOR is PLEASED to SEE SHAWN!
...Uhh... You are?
ABSOLUTELY!
That's... Swell... I guess...
SHAWN is an ANTHRO SANDSLASH!
...I'm not quite sure what my species has to do with anything... Can we get on with 'books want to fight' and all that? I'm meant to be meeting my brother in a short while...
NARRATOR has a JOB PROPOSITION for SHAWN!
...Uhh... You what?
NARRATOR could use a MASCOT who... Well... TALKS!
NARRATOR thinks that your SPECIES is a DECIDED ADVANTAGE!
...So... I'm the player in a Sandy Battle because...?
...To be HONEST NARRATOR was just BOOMING down this PATH when SHAWN showed up!
NARRATOR thinks it's FATE that SHAWN will be the NEW SANDY MASCOT!
...Look, I'm busy with my degree and all, I don't really have time to be a Mascot for a Pokebattle--
NARRATOR will ensure SHAWN never has to PAY TUITION FEES, for BOOKS, etc in addition to PAY!
...You will?
NARRATOR will!
...Can you afford that?
NARRATOR will NARRATE it so!
...Wow... Umm... Thanks... Uhh... What will I have to do?
SHAWN will just need to APPEAR in BATTLES from TIME to TIME!
Yeah, I'm not really into that whole 'fighting' thing...
NARRATOR doesn't think SHAWN will NECESSARILY have to BATTLE!
NARRATOR doesn't think SANDY VERSION has EVER ALWAYS had a CONVENTIONAL BATTLE each WEEK!
...NARRATOR doubts THIS WEEK will CONTAIN a BATTLE!
READERS used BOO!
READERS used HISS!
NARRATOR thinks that would be MORE effective if there were MORE than TWO READERS!
...Really? I won't have to fight? Uhh...
...Could we extend that 'never actually fight in a battle' to Shane, too? I mean, unless he decides to for some reason...
NARRATOR wonders who SHANE is!
...The brother I'm meeting.
NARRATOR considers!
NARRATOR will OFFER SHANE a MUTUAL MASCOT POSITION!
Wow, really?
NARRATOR will give EQUAL PAY and BENEFITS to BOTH MASCOTS!
That's... That's great, thanks...
NARRATOR notes that SHANE will have to AGREE!
Oh, right. Well, let's go.
Location - Sandball Field Sidelines
...Wait! SANDBALL?
Yeah, it's allegedly the biggest sport in Sandy Version; personally I don't really see the point in it, but... Shane seems to enjoy it...
NARRATOR just THINKS it's a STUPID NAME!
...NARRATOR really should be USED to that by NOW!
SHANE appeared!
Hey th--
SHANE used NOOGIE!
SHANE gives SHAWN a NOOGIE!
Gah! Cut that out!
SHANE wonders why SHAWN is HANGING AROUND with BIG BOOMING RED TEXT!
...He's the Narrator of the version, and he... He has a job offer for us.
SHANE wonders--
...Why the HECK is the GUY NARRATOR is TALKING to NOT the PLAYER?
Player - Shane [No Record]
So, Narrydude, what's this cash you're offering me and the bookslash for?
...NARRATOR thinks SHANE just ANSWERED NARRATOR's QUESTION!
Ah well... DIVERSE PERSONALITY is PROBABLY good for a MASCOT PAIR!
...You want me and the pipsqueak as mascots of this place? Sounds cool.
SHAWN points out that it evolved BEFORE you and is OLDER than you!
Yeah, and I can still kick your ass at anything physical you care to name... Now, give me the paperwork to sign.
No PAPERWORK necessary!
SHAWN used ACCEPT!
SHAWN accepted JOB OFFER!
SHANE used ACCEPT!
SHANE accepted JOB OFFER!
SHAWN and SHANE TOGETHER shall be known as THE BROTHERS SAND!
...That collective name's stupid.
As NARRATOR indicated EARLIER, SANDY VERSION is practically BUILT on STUPID NAMES!
...Do we at least get text colours?
Like NARRATOR has that sort of BUDGET to work with!
Damn.