Battle 7: Only You Can Prevent Desert Fires - 2nd May 2009
Location - Sandy Desert
Player - Dave [3-0-0]

...Well, I'm here.
DAVE is!
...So... What happens now?
DAVE waits!
...You're not helping...
DAVE waits for that INSANELY ANNOYING DRAGON WINGED FOX to appear or some such!
GRAIN of SAND used SHIFT!
GRAIN of SAND shifted 1mm!
...Why are you even bothering Narrating that?
Believe NARRATOR, it knows!
...Sometimes I can't tell if you're telling me to do something or engaging me in conversation.
NARRATOR is GOOD at its JOB!
...More |Good|, I'd say.
...NARRATOR isn't sure what DAVE means by that!
Anyway!
GRAIN of SAND sized PORTAL appeared from the SPACE GRAIN of SAND was OCCUPYING!
...A... Grain of sand sized portal?
RUST BUCKET with TRANSVERSIONAL ROCKETS appeared from the PORTAL!
GIZENSHA appeared from the PORTAL!
...How the hell did either of those fit through such a small portal.
Ah, you must be Dave. I presume the big booming moron in the sky filled you in on the specifics.
...Don't be so hard on it, it's worked in Sandy Version for several years, it kinda takes its toll on both your sanity and intelligence, and no amount of being outside of Sandy doing other projects while Sandy doesn't exist is going to fix that.
NARRATOR appreciates DAV-- Oi!
...Umm... Anyway. Care to answer the question?
Well, it's told me the general gist, me and you fight SVWebmaster while Narrator flies off in some sort of ship to save SVWebmaster.
NARRATOR is still waiting for that SHIP, by the way!
...What are you blathering on about now? It came through before I did.
...
...
...RUST BUCKET with TRANSVERSIONAL ROCKETS was renamed INTERVERSION SHIP :(
NARRATOR weeps openly!
And there's me without my umbrella.
...No appreciation for the finer art of ship construction, but then, I suppose that's inevitable with you being a Narrator and all.
NARRATOR is FUMING!
Fortunately we're outside so we don't have to inhale your fumes. Run along now.
...Uhh... Before the Narrator leaves, could one of you explain why-- And how, actually-- You and me are going to be committing suic-- I mean fighting SVWebmaster while the Narrator saves SVWebmaster?
The SVWebmaster we're going to be fighting is a clone of SVWebmaster, Narrator will be rescuing the real thing.
Wouldn't it be easier if the SVWebmaster clone was renamed?
We get a tactical advantage if he isn't until he knows what's going on.
He's the webmaster of the version, shouldn't he know what's going on anyway?
...Uh... Hello? Clone of SVWebmaster? Like he has a clue.
...Point.
...Honestly, Narrators and humans... Probably the two most stupid types of creatures in existence.
Oi!
Oi!
Anyway, run along now, Narrator.
NARRATOR will RUN ALONG NOW just as soon as SVWEBMASTER appears!
...Why wait?
NARRATOR would rather NOT wind up ARRIVING while SVWEBMASTER is still guarding SVWEBMASTER!
...Oh, I suppose you're right...
...
...
...
Yeah, one of the reasons I can't stand Narrators is having to declare what I'm doing for them to know...
Pocket Empty!
GIZENSHA used POCKET EMPTY!
GIZENSHA emptied its POCKETS!
GIZENSHA pulled out THREE CINEMA TICKETS, TWO PACKETS of MINTS and a PARTRIDGE in a PAIR TREE!
...Not. Amusing. Or even seasonally relevant.
GRAIN of SAND sized PORTAL turned itself INSIDE OUT!
...The hell?
Much better.
SAND FOREST VERSION appeared!
...
...
...How the heck did that fit inside the portal?
There's no time to explain transdimensional physics!
SVWEBMASTER appeared!
...You!
Yes, me. What did you expect, Narrator to have created a version within Sandy version?
SVWEBMASTER was renamed SVFAKEMASTER!
...What the...?
NARRATOR knows who you are!
No matter, I have the cloak of sand...
NARRATOR got inside INTERVERSION SHIP!
...What are you doing?
INTERVERSION SHIP disappeared with NARRATOR inside!
Lets do this!
Indeed!
...
...
...Come on, I've already prepared myself to die in the crossfire between you two, why aren't you starting already?
...Stupid bloody Narrator run realities...
Oh. I see what you mean. I can't even move.
Doesn't Sandy Version have a Story Mode or something?
It requires switching to a scene without a Narrator or a Narrator appearance imminent in order to activate these days...
...So... We're stuck here doing nothing until...
...The battle settings decide to go somewhere else?
Who controls the battle settings?
No-one, they usually home in on Narrator or whatever they find interesting...
...In what way is this interesting?
Some of you humans are weird enough to find awkward moments funny, perhaps?
Dear hell, I see what Narrator meant when it said you were insanely annoying!
Does this mean you're going to team up with me rather than him?
Not a chance in hell, considering according to the Narrator you kidnapped SVWebmaster sufficiently for it to race off and rescue him.
Aww.
Not even another human will join you, I see, truly you are a lowly creature.
...Under any other circumstance, though, I'd be seriously considering it.

Location - Interversion Ship Interior

INTERVERSION SHIP used SHAKE!
INTERVERSION SHIP used RATTLE!
INTERVERSION SHIP used ROLL!
INTERVERSION SHIP is FALLING to PIECES!
NARRATOR used STABILISE!
NARRATOR STABILISED the STRUCTURAL INTEGRITY of INTERVERSION SHIP!
INTERVERSION SHIP stopped FALLING to PIECES!
NARRATOR thinks that it's NO WONDER this RUST BUCKET fell apart in TRANSIT when DAVE was in it in the OTHER TIMELINE!

Location - Sandy Desert

When one imagines two gods in their own right fighting one another, one tends to imagine almighty lightning bolts and reality being rewritten at their wills. Dave is no exception to this, so you can perhaps imagine his relief when the dragon winged fox known as Gizensha, instead of shooting laser beams from his eyes or whatever it was Dave was suspecting, spread his wings and took flight, keeping low to the ground, at the sandy cloaked figure of SVFakemaster. He used the opportunity to send out both of the inanimate objects he calls pokemon, Hechofme and Door. Neither inanimate pokemon said anything in response to this intrusion on their personal time.

Which was much unlike SVFakemaster's response to 188 pounds of fur, fang and muscle projecting itself through the air via powerful wings towards his crotch, the fang part very much at the front of the rapidly moving mass. "Oh no you don't, flea bag!" he yelled, shooting a beam of sand at the dragon winged fox from his hand as he did so. Gizensha barrel rolled out of the way clipping his wing on the ground as he did so, resulting in him ungracefully losing what little altitude he'd given himself, spinning a couple of times as he collapsed onto one of his wings. "Heh. With a version of your own, I expected you to be tougher than that ghost to kill, not easier." The cloaked figure snarled as he towered over Gizensha, who was wincing at a pain in his right wing that, unbeknownst to him, had been broken under the bad landing.

"Door, use knock; Hechofme, go for a body slam!" yelled Dave, and Door knocked on SVFakemaster's hip with its handle and the mass of crushed cars, washing machines and assorted metal appliances somehow jumped at SVFakemaster, whacking into him in the chest. "Door, follow up with a jar; Hechofme, a heavy!" yelled the mere mortal, who was very glad to be free of the constraints of turn based combat for the time being, and the wooden object that would be more at home opening, closing and letting people through than in a fight smashed an empty jar over the head of SVFakemaster, who was now lying with a huge block of metal on his chest, while said huge block of metal doubled its weight.

"Uggghhh" gurgled SVFakemaster as he felt his lungs compressing under the huge weight, before reaching to the heavy chunk of metal worthy of the name Heavy Chunk of Metal, which is fortunate since that's what it was called when its name wasn't abbreviated for convenience and brushing it off of himself, as if it weighed no more than a grain of sand, and straight into the poor, unfortunate, door. The two inanimate objects collided and entered a state of existence more akin to what one might expect from inanimate objects; or to put it another way, they fainted; before dissolving into wisps of energy which hurtled towards their pokeball homes residing on Dave's belt.

"Get into Sand Forest!" Barked the Vulpis draco through his pain as he let his mind wander for a split second onto why scientists insisted on referring to species with pompous sounding Latin names, and finding his right wing inoperable, followed the mortal human trainer on foot, although he'd insist he was following on paw. As he crossed the boundary, with SVFakemaster in hot pursuit, he folded Sand Forest Version into itself, which resumed being a grain of sand sized portal.

"How in Pokebattles did an entire version just fit into such a small portal?" wondered SVFakemaster, before recalibrating his charge towards such a small object. But it was too late, and he was forced to watch in horror as a nearby grain of sand shifted a mere millimetre into the exact space occupied by the miniscule portal, and he realised that if he was to get through the portal he was going to have to look behind each grain of sand, in a four dimensional sort of way, in the Sandy Desert to find it.

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